Lianess

Being proud of myself is not something I have learned as a kid. Nah. I was taught to devalue my accomplishments, and to downplay myself. To the point where I lost the ability to recognize how my own efforts and my rewards. I only remember getting scorned when I didn't do it PERFECTLY. And knowing what I know now, I know that even perfect would not have been perfect enough. Because it wasn't about what I did, it was about my assigned role as a black sheep. When I was growing up, there was a famous song with this name and I felt a strange kinship to the lyrics and that was the first time I heard the term but I didn't know what that meant until about 40 years later, and then some. So, now, I am giving myself the pats on the back that I never got. And I have a big one today. I went on the roof for the first time ever and it wasn't that scary! I was always wanting to do this but terrified because people online tell horror stories and my own mind makes a mountain out of molehills I haven't climbed. I went up, I helped to put a tarp down over some places that need to be repaired when Spring comes, and I swept all the fall leaves and dirt that was there, and I found a piece of plywood that wasn't supposed to be there, and a roll of brand new roll roofing that I paid for and that was left up there, unbeknownst to me, by the last guy who was here doing roof work. What a jerk. he should have told me that the stuff was up there! I am glad I got rid of him. My intuition is still in top shape. Anyway, there is only one thing I think I did wrong but (see the perfectionism, how it comes back?) I will trust that God will take care of it for me and it will work out just fine. Now I am relieved and ready to enjoy the next batch or rain that starts tomorrow. Went to get groceries, and some more arrive tomorrow, along with the sweet treats we all need during winter. Got propane, and now all my tanks are full. Found a new place where the propane is cheaper than the last place I was using, and this place does not annoy me to tell me that my tanks need to be exchanged. I just posted a new video of today's dog walk: https://youtube.com/shorts/T7U-kvzGqZY?feature=share

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