Truth Be Told

The truth:

I want less and less. All I want is a life that's very simple. A few things to do each day and no ambitions. Rest, relaxation, and silence. Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace in my body.

I want to destash the few things I have that are too many. I have a storage facility filled with books and the remains of my older home and art studio that I haven't seen since 2009. I need to just let go. It would be nice to sell them but IDK if I can pull it off, as my storage room is on the furthest East side of the country and I am in the furthest West side.

I want nothing anymore. Just a simple life, slow days, no obligations, no plans, no lists, no worries of any kind.

If only I could clean up my dreams at night. I still have nightmares - I am lost, I am being cheated on, I can't find home, it's getting dark, I can't trust anyone - all eerily similar to how I feel in real life or is life just a dream? I gotta buy a spare tire so I am not afraid of a flat tire when I drive (I don't like to drive anymore), and maybe have a car with AC, and a driver's side door that opens (so I am not entering through the passenger's door, which is the case), and be able to take trash to the landfill regularly so I can clean up my environment which is so needed.

I look at trash every day and things IDK what to do with. I have nowhere to put things that need to be protected from the upcoming rains. Every year I lose things because they get damp, wet, dirty, or filled with spider webs.

I'm starting to demolish a porch that is very old and broken. I am a the point where I need a power cutting tool which I sort of have. Somewhere I saw a circular saw but I am afraid to use it. I tried to cut the wood with a manual saw. It's too hard. I got tired very quickly. The porch needs to be gone because it's old and rotten and also because I need to lift the front of the tiny place and replace the posts under it which are also rotten. A friend is going to help me. He even has the wood. He told me "don't buy wood, I have it".

Wish List:

A friend or two that don't demand anything of me.
Inspiration to return so I can have some fun at this stage of life making things just for the fun of it, no pressure to list or sell. And no pressure even to make anything. I seem to be empty. Nothingness is what's up. And I'm ok with it. I am undergoing a massive spiritual purge. I think spiritual fits ok but it's more than that. I am so tired. Most days I wake up with my body in pain. Back pain, mostly. They say back pain is related to money worries. I won't deny that I worry about money.

Money. Add money to this wish list. Not too much, just enough. So I don't have to worry. Because worry is a waste of life. I read recently that worry is glorifying...fuck, I forgot the quote. It was a good one. So I have a predicament because I have no energy to produce the money. I am so tired. Sometimes I say outloud how tired I am of this world. And I ain't lying.

There is more I could say but I think this is enough truth for this post. I am done pretending things are ok that are not. I'm done pretending I am not human. I never join fads but with the spread of a-eye, people have been telling their human truth a lot. Being human has become special. So I am embracing the chaos and idiosyncrasies that being human is.

My truth is my own story, and my story is my truth. I'm tired of hiding. I am tired of not writing because I think I am not capable of being interesting to others. Who cares anyway? I write for me. As I have always done. I write to keep track because my brain had a habit of forgetting, and this has been a problem because a lot of times in life I forgot what people did to me and I stayed in places where love was gone when all I wanted was to be loved for who I am.


My art shop (grossly neglected)

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(C) 2025 Cris Melo / Melo Earth